Have you ever wondered why some people like certain people while other people despise them? Ever wonder why you might admire certain personality traits while other people can't stand them? Well, I hate to point out the obvious, but it actually has very little to do with that person or trait, it has more to do with YOU. Still in disbelief? Read on. Whether or not we judge people for the better or worse, we are still judging them. Judgement creates separation. When you judge someone, you label them or their behaviour as good or bad. You then make it wrong for them to look, feel, or act a certain way. Let's take a deeper look at why we judge people, so we can learn to overcome this negative way of thinking/ being. Below, are 3 main reasons why we judge people:
1) You don't allow yourself to express those qualities: Maybe you're a very shy and reserved person. If you were to encounter someone who was creatively expressing their opinions, someone who didn't care what people thought of them, for instance, you might not like them. The reason for this is because you're not allowing yourself that same freedom they are. And without realizing it, you hate them for it. You feel that if you shouldn't act that way, neither should they. This can be resolved first by recognition of the judgement. Then, allow yourself to express yourself authentically and fully so you can let others express themselves are they are, too.
2) You have the same qualities and don't like them about yourself: Ever hear someone talk about someone they don't like, and think to yourself: "wait a minute, you do the same thing." This is because its hard to admit the qualities we don't like about ourselves. But its easier to pinpoint them in other people. For example, if you're a negative person who complains a lot, you might see someone else behaving in this same way and become annoyed at it. The thing is, it wouldn't bother you if you didn't see this in yourself, too. Be honest with yourself, maybe you're irritated because its a quality you hate about yourself. In which case, once you recognize that, you can learn to let go of that personal quality.
3) You're envious of them: Maybe this person is a more successful, beautiful, happy, or loving person than you are. If you're envious of someone, its easy to create resentment towards them. First off, realize that this actually isn't a competitive world we're living in. For example, just because your neighbour is rich, doesn't mean you can't be rich, too. Just because your coworker is happy, doesn't mean you can't be happy, too. There is so much abundance in this world. The sooner you realize this, the sooner you'll realize that there is enough of ANYTHING you desire. Happiness, wealth, success, love, freedom, it doesn't matter. Whatever you desire, there is enough of it that you can have it too, without feeling like you need to take it from someone else. Jealousy works the opposite way you want it to. Try being genuinely happy for this person instead, see how your world might change.
So there you have it, folks. The top 3 reasons why we judge people. Now, its time to look inwards, keeping these 3 reasons in mind, and get to the bottom of our judgements. This is called shadow-work. Its not always easy to face, but I promise you its worth it. Write down a quality and/or person you don't like. Look between these 3 reasons why you don't like that person or quality. What does it say about you? Maybe there was a time in your life that you obtained this quality, or maybe you still do. Either way, discover where this judgement comes from within yourself, and acknowledge it. Then replace your judgements with compassion. Do this every time you experience a judgmental thought and you'll be well on your way to living a judgementally-free life. After all, you can't be truly happy, until you free yourself from the burden of judgement.